Slim and Shady
by wolfern
Summary: Alex is going back to school on his new mission as a bodyguard to an unknowing teenager! But something is rotten in his new school, and it's affecting everyone. Amidst teachers, parties and homework, what is a teen spy to do? Written for SpyFest, September 2016: "Back to school"


**Slim and Shady**

 **AN: Soooo horrendously late, huh :P What can I say, but that much has been going on? This story was written for the September 2016 SpyFest prompt "Back to school", so it's got a lot of science stuff chucked in… It might have affected the quality of the plot a bit, but eh – you win some, you lose some. I hope you enjoy – and learn something, maybe!**

* * *

"Rider?"

"Here, sir." Alex spoke from the front of the classroom, where he'd been placed. It wasn't ideal, considering that his target was at the back, but that was the reality. No amount of technical prowess from Smithers could override a hastily scribbled seating plan of a teacher, or their hurried acquisition of an extra desk for him. Alex, the New Student, had found himself right in front of the teacher's desk; his target lounged at the back-left corner, next to the windows.

It wasn't quite correct, calling the boy a target. 'Target' implied that Alex was out to get him. Really, it was exactly the opposite. Alex had been charged to keep an eye on him, make sure he didn't get into trouble. Possibly even make friends.

The boy was Josef Stepanov, science prodigy. His Russian grandparents had come to England in the 1920s; the boy had never been to Russia himself. He had been home-schooled during primary school, and winning medals at the International Junior Science Olympiad, International Young Physicists' Tournament and International Rocketry Challenge since he was nine. After entering high school, he had abstained from all competitions, "preferring to enjoy adolescence as a normal, albeit highly intelligent boy" – or so the newspapers reported. What they didn't report was that Josef had progressed to communicating with the Ministry of Defence in secret.

Originally, he had spoken via encrypted messages over the internet, but as topics became more confidential, both he and the Ministry had decided that in-person discussions in a safe-house would be much more secure. The only problem was allaying suspicion. And so, an MI5 agent had been put forward as a point of contact. Josef didn't know it, but Alex, who played the son of the MI5 agent, had been recruited to keep the boy safe in school, as well. As far as Josef knew, Alex was unaware of his mother's true job, but was an excuse to visit the agent.

Alex expected Josef to make a move by lunchtime.

* * *

"Ergh, that lesson was so difficult!"

Alex looked towards the sound of the voice. It was Josef. He smiled. "I didn't find it too difficult. I'm pretty good at German."

Josef nodded. "I know – I mean, yeah, I saw that. The teacher didn't seem to like you, though."

"Maybe it's because he's worried he'll make a mistake and I'll call him out on it," Alex shrugged. "Does he teach any other lessons here?"

"Home Economics. He's a lot less grumpy there. You'd be surprised how serene he looks assembling asparagus salad."

" _Asparagus salad_? Not…say, apple strudel?"

"Yeah," said Josef glumly. "I joined Home Ec because I wanted to make biscuits and cake, but he's got us all cooking with vegetables. I have enough of that at home!"

"Same," mused Alex. Of course, he couldn't say he'd joined the subject because Josef was taking it. "Well, at least it's better than maths and science."

"Oh, I'm great at those," Josef said, as Alex knew he would. "Maybe you could help me with German, and I'd help you with maths and science?"

The whole conversation was horribly contrived, the product of two people wanting the same thing, without saying it. "Sure," Alex said. "You could come round to my house this afternoon. Maybe mum will make biscuits for us. Just be warned, though – she loves talking to my friends."

There. Easy.

* * *

They had lunch together, too, and Josef managed to wrangle Alex a seat with him in all the other classes they shared. It was amazing how easy it was for Alex to sit back and let Josef do all the manoeuvring.

When school ended, they walked to Alex's temporary new house together. On the way, Alex mentioned that he'd seen Josef in the news.

Josef reddened. "Yeah, like I said: I'm not too shabby with maths and science."

"Why'd you stop?"

The teen shrugged. "The tasks were pretty much the same every year, and I thought, yeah, I could improve on my previous entries and keep winning again, but then that's not really fair on the other people. I mean, it wasn't as if I was really learning anything new. Besides, I wanted to try living a normal teen's life."

Alex murmured his understanding. "So why this school, then?"

"It has a great judo club."

The teen spy looked sideways at the teen prodigy, who raised his eyebrows. "What? Did you think I'd choose the school based on its academic performance?"

Now it was Alex's turn to shrug. "I don't know what I expected."

"Expect everything, and nothing," said Josef in cryptic response. Clearly he'd been spending far too much time with MI5.

* * *

When they stepped inside the safehouse, Alex's 'mother' was there to greet them. "Who's this?" she said. "Have you made a friend already, Alex? Here, just drop your bags there."

Alex and Josef left their bags in the hallway, where she indicated.

"Why don't you sit down – what's your name? I'm Julia – Alex, you still have to vacuum."

Alex rolled his eyes at Josef. "Ever since we moved in here, mum's been making me vacuum. I think she's trying to force me to keep her dream of an eternally-clean home."

Josef smiled. "I'll wait for you. I can get started on a basic summary of what we've been learning in physics."

"That'd be great," said Alex, and he walked off to fetch the vacuum. He knew that while he was vacuuming, Julia, would be discussing with Josef information about rockets and other stuff that the Ministry wanted to know. Josef had been told to expect something like this, and Alex wondered what the boy thought of Alex, ostensibly ignorant to what was happening under his own roof.

After about an hour by his reckoning, he finished up, clattering deliberately to warn the others he was coming back to the dining table, where they sat.

When he entered the kitchen, Julia had gone, and Josef sat, a plate of shortbread and chocolate biscuits in front of him, as well as an empty bowl.

"Sorry for taking so long," Alex said.

"No problem," said Josef. He pointed to the empty bowl. "Custard. My favourite. I don't know how she knew. Your mum's a good cook."

Alex hid a smile. "Yeah, she is."

"Shall we get started, then? Wave-particle duality?"

Alex groaned. "Starting with the best, hey?"

* * *

Josef visited several more times that week, and in the strange relationship stuck between actual affinity as people and an awkward forced association, Alex was surprised to discover that Josef had made quite a few friends in the school, and Alex managed to befriend many of them, as well. It wasn't that difficult; Alex had always been a naturally friendly person, and these people had never known him as anything other than a normal schoolkid.

And whether it was a product of Josef's teaching, or the academic environment free from distractions, Alex felt like he was learning much more than he had before. The German teacher, Mr Brandt, who also taught Home Ec, continued to scowl at both Alex and Josef, however, even as Josef's German skills improved. Alex didn't really think Josef needed German lessons, as the teen was more than capable of using his impressive logic skills and learning speed to form understanding, when he put his mind to it.

All in all, Alex was having a pretty good time of it, and to his great surprise, in only his second week at the new school, he was invited to a party at an older student's house. When he mentioned it to Julia, she looked at him first with surprise, and then amusement, and said, "Well, if Josef is going, I guess you should, too."

On the Friday, they packed some jeans and t-shirts in their schoolbags, as well as their uniforms for judo practice after school. It was autumn, almost winter, and it felt like the gym's heating had been turned up. All the boys were sweating – Josef much more than Alex – so they showered before changing.

When Alex and Josef arrived at the rather large house, the music had already been turned on, and a steady stream of teens were marching up the grass to the hostess' door. It wasn't fill-the-neighbourhood loud, yet. He imagined it would increase in volume as the night went on.

Just over the threshold, Josef headed towards the snacks, along with several of the other judo boys. Alex followed him, and grabbed some peanuts.

"Too bad there's no custard, right Josef?"

"Truly, my heart aches."

Alex's prediction had been correct, and as more people arrived, the group volume steadily rose, with the music turned up so it could be still be heard; this, in turn, resulted in louder conversations, prompting the music volume to be turned up yet again. The lights had been turned down low, and with so many people in close proximity, the room felt as warm as the gym had been. More than once, Josef wiped sweat on the back of his neck.

At about nine o'clock, the drinks were cracked open: next to the snacks, there was a giant bowl with a few Rekorderligs diluted by a whole lot of fruit juice, because there wasn't enough. Nevertheless, both Alex and Josef avoided getting drinks from the bowl – Alex, because he was still 'on duty' as it were; and Josef, because he was very protective of his cognition.

The sun set, and the mood was mellow but cheerful. Several times, Alex and Josef went back for snacks. He was pleasantly surprised to find himself enjoying the atmosphere despite having to set himself apart from the other party-goers to watch for threats. He'd been worried the party might delve into violence and debauchery, but it was much more sedate.

And then a girl vomited and collapsed.

Luckily, since no-one was near drunk, at least that early in the evening, they managed to put the girl on her side and call an ambulance. "A bit of an anti-climax, isn't it?" James muttered to Alex as the paramedics bundled her into their van.

Alex shrugged. "That's a good thing."

"Oh, definitely."

* * *

Later at school, it became known that somehow the girl had suffered an overdose of alcohol, combined with overheating. However, by all accounts, she hadn't consumed any alcohol before the party, was not on paracetamol or any other medication that could have interfered with her liver, and had only had one glass of the spiked punch. Furthermore, when Alex thought about it, the room hadn't been _that_ hot.

Almost at the same time, rumours began to be whispered, reminding Alex of the not-so-bright side of adolescence. It was said that the girl had been overweight, but was losing weight quite rapidly, despite taking seconds and thirds of the school lunch. People wondered whether she was taking some new, experimental pills, but her closest friends denied these rumours.

This particular conspiracy theory began to rise in popularity as, through the next weeks, more people in the school began to fall ill due to overheating, or overdoses of medication.

While they walked to Alex's house together, Josef pointed out that the overdose cases all involved medications metabolised by the liver – specifically, by the enzyme cytochrome P450. Furthermore, every case was restricted to their school.

"Maybe there's something in the water," Alex joked, though he began to feel a sliver of worry.

"Water? I'm thinking food."

"Not your precious custard, obviously." Alex grinned and looked pointedly at his friend's stomach.

"Stop being silly, I'm serious. Have you noticed? Everyone's getting a bit skinnier. _Everyone._ "

Alex looked at his friend. "Do you really think there's a conspiracy? Come on, now you're the one not being serious."

"I _am_ serious," said Josef. "Overheating and getting skinnier – it's like that pill, DNP. But the liver is involved somehow."

"Well, go tell the police." Go tell Julia. Tell MI5.

Josef frowned. "If you don't believe me, what makes you think _they_ will?"

He had a point. "Well, what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know," Josef said, frustrated.

"Well, in the meantime, I guesswe could do a little investigation. And then we can tell my mum."

"Your mum…?" Josef looked at him sideways.

With a jolt, Alex came back to himself. "You know, how she's, uh, she's… an adult…" He felt himself swallow. "She'll know if it's enough to go to the police with."

"Oh," said Josef.

"Yeah."

"What do you think we should investigate, Holmes?"

Alex shrugged. "Check out the kitchens."

* * *

And that was how Alex and Josef ended up behind a large vat of custard.

"There's nothing here – let's go," Alex whispered to Josef. "It's been half an hour. I know you like custard, but this is ridiculous."

"Shhh!" Josef admonished him. "It's like the movies, but in real life. You have to be patient – they always cut out the boring waiting bits."

True to his prediction, they waited another half hour.

And then, just as Alex was about to walk out, movies be damned, Mr Brandt walked in, muttering in vulgar German.

The two boys watched as he puttered around the kitchen, stocking up the vegetables they'd used in Home Ec that day. The man scowled at the cakes and custard in the fridge, and then turned to leave.

Josef, who was tense beside Alex, let out a sigh of relief.

Mr Brandt paused at the doorway, and then turned around slowly. He wandered over to the vats of custard, and drummed his fingers on the benchtop above Alex and Josef's heads. "Hmm."

Alex and Josef sat very, very still.

Mr Brandt slid off the lid to a vat, and took something from his pocket – a small vial. He turned it around to read the label, and in doing so, dropped it. Out came a few choice German words that Alex hadn't yet thought to teach Josef.

The teacher bent down to grab the vial, but accidentally kicked it.

The vial rolled under the bench, and came to rest beside the vat of custard.

Alex and Josef stared at the vial.

A thin, veiny hand grasped towards them, scrabbling on the floor.

The two boys huddled closely and quietly.

But the vial was too far under the bench and the vats of custard too heavy for one man to move. With a final curse, Mr Brandt withdrew his hand, muttering in his heavy Austrian accent that he'd be back.

Josef picked up the vial, and read the label. "Cyclodextrins… dithiotreitol and N-acetyl cysteine… Tetracycline, adeno-associated viruses with UCP1 and Cre-Lox…" He gaped.

"What?" demanded Alex. "What does that mean?"

"Well, the first three are used to decrease the mucous in your gut, and increase absorbance."

"So…?"

"Work it out," Josef said, shortly, his lips thin.

Alex racked his brains. "So, he was putting something in the food, which got absorbed into our gut?"

"Well done, Watson," Josef said. "And viruses – I taught you – they use your own cells to transcribe their DNA or RNA for replication. But you can change a virus' genetic material so they have the genes you want."

"Like for gene therapy?"

"Exactly."

"So what's Cre-Lox? And, and tetracycline, and UCP1?"

"Tetracycline is an antibiotic… but there's this new-ish technique which uses tetracycline to induce Cre-Lox; Cre-Lox is a thing that snips DNA so you can insert or remove bits of DNA in specific cells. Which leads us to UCP1."

"UCP1?"

Josef was grim. "It's a biomarker for brown adipocytes – that's fat cells."

"What does that mean?"

"There are two types of fat: brown, and white. Brown is considered healthier, because the cells are smaller, more organised, and that means you don't get all the inflammation that white adipocytes cause – so, you can have the same amount of fat, but brown fat doesn't lead to all the metabolic diseases you hear about. And brown fat is more common in children, but disappears when you get older."

"Why?"

"Because babies need to be kept warm," Josef sounded slightly exasperated. "But that's not important. What's important is that brown fat cells, because of UCP1 among other things, uses lipids – that's fat molecules – for thermogenesis. They create heat."

"Hence the over-heating."

Josef nodded. "The overdoses were because tetracycline is slightly hepatotoxic – it kills the liver."

"So, what Brandt was doing… he was inserting UCP1 onto white adipocytes? And so turning them into brown fat cells?"

"Yep. The people with the most white adipocytes had the most changes, so the most thermogenesis, so they were the first to show any signs." He paused. "Plus, they were fatter, so more prone to over-heating, anyway."

Alex felt cold.

After a short pause, Josef turned to Alex and said, " _Now_ it's definitely time to tell your mother."

"What can she do? I don't think this is enough evidence yet," Alex said, still determined to keep his cover.

"She can tell someone in authority. It's my custard, damn it!"

And so that was what they did.

Mr Brandt was quietly removed from his position. The school said only that he had been let-off to pursue other directions. They didn't say that those directions all pointed to prison.

And Josef enjoyed many more bowls of custard without fear of getting thin.

 _The End_

* * *

 **AN: So, several things to mention –**

 **1) Yes, paracetamol and alcohol are both mostly metabolised by the same enzyme in the liver (cytochrome P450), and un-metabolised paracetamol can lead to hepatotoxicity or something… Another factor with alcohol metabolism is having Asian genes… something to do with an enzyme that partially metabolises alcohol to toxic aldehydes, but then the second enzyme is missing and doesn't get rid of those aldehydes, which leads to red-flushing.**

 **2) There was a pill (DNP) that increased the efficiency of mitochondria (the powerhouses of the cell), leading to increased metabolism of energy and thus weight-loss, but it also led to extreme thermogenesis, and there were several cases where people basically died from cooking from the inside. Not a good thing.**

 **3) There are different types of adipose; brown, and white. Brown is 'good', because the cells are more organised and don't lead to inflammation, while white adipocytes are big and swollen, and cause inflammation. Brown adipocytes are more prevalent in childhood because they use energy for thermogenesis (babies need to be warm) and they have the marker UCP1 (used in thermogenesis). As we grow up, white adipocytes replace brown adipocytes.**

 **4) The whole adeno-associated virus and Cre-Lox stuff is mostly correct (it's used in mice, not humans, though, and idk if it would work for a surface maker like UCP1…) Also, I don't know if the viruses and Cre-Lox can be administered orally. I put in the cyclodextrins, dithiotreitol and NAC for better gut-absorption, just in case. Btw, adeno-associated viruses are viruses that have been modified so they're 'safe' – they're used for delivery of things like genes (e.g. for gene therapy) by putting the specific gene you want into the empty virus genes. Viruses work by using your own cells to transcribe their own genes, so your specific gene is also transcribed. Cre-Lox works like scissors to cut DNA and then remove or insert genes of interest into organ/cell-specific places (in this case, it inserted UCP1 onto adipocytes → too much meant over-thermogenesis). Tetracycline and tamoxifen are both used to induce the Cre-Lox system as a control (I didn't use tamoxifen because it can cause cognitive damage‼) If you're interested in gene-editing techniques, there's also a thing called CRISPR, which I was thinking about putting in, but decided not to…**

 **5) Tetracycline (the inducing-agent for the Cre-Lox stuff) is an antibiotic. It causes liver toxicity (hence the alcohol overdoses, etc.) but I ignored the fact that it can also cause obesity…**


End file.
